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Dear Polite:

Chicago has once again let me down this year. Congrats and all to the Bears for getting so close, but still, they’re playing football, not horseshoes… or hand grenades, for that matter. After the Cubs got so close a few years back, I really thought Chicago might be on the glory train to gloryville, but alas! it has not been so. The Bulls were bounced from the playoffs and will likely suck for the rest of the aughts, and I’m not even sure if hockey is still considered a sport by most English-speaking Americans under 400 pounds. So, Polite, I ask you in all seriousness: Which Chicago sports team will be the next to win a title in its respective sport, and in what year (by regular season) will the win take place?

P.S. The White Sox are not a Chicago sports team.

Peter Weiland
Washington, D.C.

Polite responds:

The Chicago Wolves, an AHL franchise that plays its games at the Allstate Arena in suburban Rosemont, won the Calder Cup in 2002 and has made the playoffs in 12 out of the last 13 years. If we were betting men, we would put money on the 2008 Wolves to be the next team to bring the glory back to Chicago. Or, um, Rosemont.

Dear Polite:

I emailed your “ask” address and it did not work. Anyway, below is my question: What’s the deal with your ask@politemag.com address not working? Fuck you guys.

Peter Weiland
Washington, D.C.

Polite responds:

Look, your question got answered, so simmer down. Things just go wrong sometimes. We rarely know why. Server problems? Bad mojo? Honestly, we have no idea. We’re humanists, not technologists. Not enough RAM? Yeah, that sounds good. Blame it on the RAM.

Dear Polite:

For the past several years, I have been trying to win the affections of a co-worker, “Sharon”, with little success. We joke around a lot in the office, but she has resisted all of my attempts to turn our relationship into something more. I’m a physically attractive, healthy man, and a lot of women have told me that I’m cute. Should I just give up on this crush? Or should I continue to pursue the dream? Love the magazine.

Evan Martell
Snohomish, Wash.

Polite responds:

Since you’ve already put so much time into this unrequited crush, you might as well follow it through to its inevitably humbling end. Here’s a thought: Why not raise the stakes with some sort of definite action, like some flowers, or a singing telegram? True, she might end up thinking that you’re just a creepy stalker, but she very well might think that already. Pressing the issue—sooner rather than later—is the only way this will be resolved. That or Internet dating.

Dear Polite:

What an unsuitable name for such a nasty little magazine! Your article on the Cipko brothers [“O Brothers, Who Art Thou?”, Spring 2007] was mean-spirited, poorly edited, and ill-researched. Where were all of the stories of people’s enjoyable experiences with those gentlemen? They’ve donated funds to improve schools, hospitals, and churches in my hometown, and I’ll always be grateful for their generosity. Maybe their behavior is a little eccentric, maybe their hair doesn’t quite fit, and maybe they’d stick out like sore thumbs among your urban readers, but the Cipko brothers are patriots and saints who’ve made my corner of Pennsylvania a great place to live. Shame on you, Polite.

Doris Ballard
Nesquehoning Junction, Penn.

Polite responds:

Initially, we wanted to call this magazine Sassy, but that title turned out to be taken by another magazine that writes about clothing and girl power and whatnot. Then we were going to call it Rude, but that’s a registered trademark of the Hustler Corporation, which used the name in the 1980s for a short-lived magazine of bawdy humor and airbrushed photographs with titles like “If Farrah Fawcett Didn’t Shave Her Snatch.” Polite was our third choice, and the entire world is poorer because of it. At least we resisted the impulse to call the mag Southern Dandy.

Dear Polite:

I dislike music. All kinds of music, pretty much. Come to think of it, I also dislike talk radio. (Maybe I just dislike noise in general.) But mostly I hate music, and I’m sick of pretending that I care about the groups that my friends admire. Is there something wrong with me... or is there something wrong with the world?

Elliott Bennett
Berkeley, Calif.

Polite responds:

The fact that you dislike music does not necessarily mean that you are defective, or unintelligent, or a serial killer, although each of these things are possible. It might just mean that you are tone-deaf, or unimaginative, or The King of the Stoics. (Good of you to write, Your Majesty. Send our regards to your excellent and regal colleague, Marcus Aurelius.) While silence is golden, most educated people have historically agreed that good music is able to transcend mundanity and touch the sublime. That said, many people, especially very young people, tend to treat modern rock music with more reverence than it deserves. If you’re reacting against this obnoxious generational trend, then congratulations to you, freethinker. If not, then, yeah, probably you’re broken.

Dear Polite:

Why launch a print publication at this point in time? You obviously don’t have any corporate backing, and you don’t seem to have any specific mission statement, either. Why not just save the money and concentrate your energies on Web publishing. I like you guys, but it honestly seems like you’re 15 years behind the times. You’re bound to lose with this venture.

Anonymous

Polite responds:

We’re humanists, not technologists, dammit! How many times do we need to say it?

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