The New Issue
The new issue can currently be found in stores and purchased via this Web site. The new issue features a cover package on the best of history, involving numerous silly lists and willful disregard of the principles of good design. The new issue also features articles on modern-day freak shows, the evolution of New York's Bryant Park, ways to crash industry wine tastings, how to tell one sausage from another, and much, much more. The new issue is printed on the finest artisanal paper, and is bound with cruelty-free staples. The new issue could feasibly be used as a hat, if one were clever enough, or a napkin, if one were desperate enough. The new issue will make some people cross. The new issue is "a poke in the eye to the sacred cows that rule the American range," according to Chas. J.C. Billiker of the Orange County Eagle. The new issue is available free of charge to orphans.
The new issue is pictured at left, even though our bootleg copy of Photoshop stopped working last month. The new issue brings joy to children, especially orphans, who will receive their copies free of charge. The new issue features more gratuitous nudity than the filthiest issue of Hustler. The new issue will blind everyone who looks it in the eye. The new issue wrecked Daniel Luzer's marriage. The new issue is clean, and refreshing, like a menthol cigarette. The new issue is above the semantics of everyday morality and beyond your comprehension. The new issue features enjoyable games and puzzles.
The new issue is not a toy. The new issue is the culminating experience of your sad, loathsome life. The new issue, when unfolded and laid end to end, stretches from Saipan to Bombay. The new issue received an honorary doctorate from the University of Arizona. The new issue is a gentle lover. The new issue features fewer in-jokes than the previous issue. The new issue will go to your party, if you invite it, and will stay all night, or until you ask it to leave. The new issue is represented by Gail Fleck-Pendennis of United Talent. The new issue can do it all.
From The New Issue, a play in three acts by Frank Culhane. Reprinted with permission.
Selected table of contents from Polite's fourth issue
Steve Almond on loving Neil Strauss